I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
