I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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