I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I need a beard to bite.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize