just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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