i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
