first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
