I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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