Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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