Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
