): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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