Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
