I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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