dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
