Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
