i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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