I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
