ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
