I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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