Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
