He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
