U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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