I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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