I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
