I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
