Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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