..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
