I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
