Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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