dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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