Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
