Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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