We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
