So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
