My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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