there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
