Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
