Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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