my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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