the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
