I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hippo gnu deer
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
