There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
