Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
