Yo dont text me then not text me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
