Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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