I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
