Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
