I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i think i have two assholes
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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