OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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