I must be too annoying 4 u.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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