on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
