You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
