I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
