Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
