Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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