Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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