yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
