You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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