We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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