yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
