I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
