wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
