It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
