i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
