you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
