We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
