The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
