I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
