She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
