He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
