I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
